Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Leno
Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? Or as I call it "When Relatives Attack”.
Do you ever notice the day after Thanksgiving that your fridge looks like a crime scene out of "CSI”? There’s a skeleton in there, globs of blood…
And did you notice that the older you get the earlier you eat on Thanksgiving? It was 6:30 when I was a kid. Then it was 4:30 when I was in college. Now the relatives want to eat in bed.
I have an idea for next year. I’m going to put a sign on the house that says "drive thru” and just hand the food to the relatives through a window.
Did you hear about the man out east that stabbed two relatives after they criticized his table manners? The worst part about it – he used the wrong knife.
After that wouldn’t that make Christmas dinner really awkward?
I watched some touch football yesterday – the Detroit Lions.
Peyton Manning threw four touchdowns yesterday in the win over the Lions. What was the score? 41 to 9? He did all that while eating a turkey leg even!
That marked the second time in a week that a professional team from Indianapolis kicked around a team in Detroit.
The Pistons have a new question for people buying beer at the games – is that for here or to throw?
Rumors are going around on who CBS will replace Dan Rather with. I think CBS will surprise everyone by picking a middle age white guy.
Letterman
It’s the day after Thanksgiving. The busiest shopping day of the year. I went to the mall and I was pushed, I was shoved, I was groped, I was fondled – hell, I’m going back tomorrow.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. The bad thing about eating too much food on Thanksgiving is that you don’t have much room left over for binge drinking.
Thanksgiving at my house is like a Pistons game with pie!
Mom spent all day in the kitchen – or as she calls it a bio terror lab.
Turkey can make you sleepy. Here’s what mom does. On one side of the turkey she puts a nicotine patch on it before placing it in the oven.
Thanksgiving is the first time of the year that I get to see Uncle Earl. As usual he gets kind of distracted and wanders into the living room and yells, "Put on Andy Williams!”
Then there was a strange moment when Uncle Earl stood up at the table and made a McGreevey type announcement.
This year the Butterball Hotline had more calls than ever. Most of them were creepy calls from Bill O’Reilly.
Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? Or as I call it "When Relatives Attack”.
Do you ever notice the day after Thanksgiving that your fridge looks like a crime scene out of "CSI”? There’s a skeleton in there, globs of blood…
And did you notice that the older you get the earlier you eat on Thanksgiving? It was 6:30 when I was a kid. Then it was 4:30 when I was in college. Now the relatives want to eat in bed.
I have an idea for next year. I’m going to put a sign on the house that says "drive thru” and just hand the food to the relatives through a window.
Did you hear about the man out east that stabbed two relatives after they criticized his table manners? The worst part about it – he used the wrong knife.
After that wouldn’t that make Christmas dinner really awkward?
I watched some touch football yesterday – the Detroit Lions.
Peyton Manning threw four touchdowns yesterday in the win over the Lions. What was the score? 41 to 9? He did all that while eating a turkey leg even!
That marked the second time in a week that a professional team from Indianapolis kicked around a team in Detroit.
The Pistons have a new question for people buying beer at the games – is that for here or to throw?
Rumors are going around on who CBS will replace Dan Rather with. I think CBS will surprise everyone by picking a middle age white guy.
Letterman
It’s the day after Thanksgiving. The busiest shopping day of the year. I went to the mall and I was pushed, I was shoved, I was groped, I was fondled – hell, I’m going back tomorrow.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. The bad thing about eating too much food on Thanksgiving is that you don’t have much room left over for binge drinking.
Thanksgiving at my house is like a Pistons game with pie!
Mom spent all day in the kitchen – or as she calls it a bio terror lab.
Turkey can make you sleepy. Here’s what mom does. On one side of the turkey she puts a nicotine patch on it before placing it in the oven.
Thanksgiving is the first time of the year that I get to see Uncle Earl. As usual he gets kind of distracted and wanders into the living room and yells, "Put on Andy Williams!”
Then there was a strange moment when Uncle Earl stood up at the table and made a McGreevey type announcement.
This year the Butterball Hotline had more calls than ever. Most of them were creepy calls from Bill O’Reilly.
