Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Leno
Teresa Heinz Kerry said that Laura Bush has never had a real job. Teresa is a translator. She’s been a translator for two years. Hey, let me tell you, Laura Bush has been a translator for the last 35 years!
Both campaigns are looking for a way to win in Florida. You know the way to win in Florida? Play the Miami Dolphins!
It’s the Cardinals and the Red Sox. They met in the World Series back in 1967. To tell you how times have changed, back then we had a bad economy, an unpopular war and a president from Texas.
Look at the state of Massachusetts. They have the Patriots, the Red Sox and John Kerry – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
Bill Clinton got a flu shot. Which I think is good. Think about it. If he got the flu, he could infect hundreds of women.
Communism has a new slogan in Cuba: "I’ve fallen and can’t get up!"
Today a reporter asked President Bush if it was fatal and he said, "No, its pronounced Fidel."
Godzilla is 55 years old! He now suffers from reptile dysfunction.
Letterman
I probably look a little ugly, not myself. I was just backstage and got a creepy phone call from Bill O’Reilly.
This is going to be a busy weekend. Mom and I are doing some last-minute shopping for Ramadan.
Before I go any farther I need to say it’s 11:35, lights out, Martha!
The voting in Florida has already begun. You know what this means? An extra two weeks to rig the results!
They started counting some of the ballots down there in Florida. And here’s what they’ve found so far – Bush has a slight lead over Kerry.
Conan
Today in Cuba while giving a speech Fidel Castro fell on the floor. The floor was immediately arrested, interrogated and shot.
Teresa Heinz Kerry said that Laura Bush has never had a real job. Teresa is a translator. She’s been a translator for two years. Hey, let me tell you, Laura Bush has been a translator for the last 35 years!
Both campaigns are looking for a way to win in Florida. You know the way to win in Florida? Play the Miami Dolphins!
It’s the Cardinals and the Red Sox. They met in the World Series back in 1967. To tell you how times have changed, back then we had a bad economy, an unpopular war and a president from Texas.
Look at the state of Massachusetts. They have the Patriots, the Red Sox and John Kerry – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
Bill Clinton got a flu shot. Which I think is good. Think about it. If he got the flu, he could infect hundreds of women.
Communism has a new slogan in Cuba: "I’ve fallen and can’t get up!"
Today a reporter asked President Bush if it was fatal and he said, "No, its pronounced Fidel."
Godzilla is 55 years old! He now suffers from reptile dysfunction.
Letterman
I probably look a little ugly, not myself. I was just backstage and got a creepy phone call from Bill O’Reilly.
This is going to be a busy weekend. Mom and I are doing some last-minute shopping for Ramadan.
Before I go any farther I need to say it’s 11:35, lights out, Martha!
The voting in Florida has already begun. You know what this means? An extra two weeks to rig the results!
They started counting some of the ballots down there in Florida. And here’s what they’ve found so far – Bush has a slight lead over Kerry.
Conan
Today in Cuba while giving a speech Fidel Castro fell on the floor. The floor was immediately arrested, interrogated and shot.
