Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Leno
Opposite the Emmys, NBC showed "Titanic”. I saw a ship coming down, I thought it was the Kerry campaign.
President Bush still continuing to lead in the polls. In fact when John Kerry was told the latest poll numbers, he called President Clinton again. Not for advice, just to make sure he had his vote. "You’re still with me right?”
Did you know John Kerry is going to be appearing on "Dr. Phil” next week. Is that how bad his campaign is going? He needs grief counseling now?
What happened to John Edwards? You know, I thought you weren’t supposed to go into your secret location until after you’re vice president.
Let’s see what’s going on over at CBS News. CBS as of today which stands for "can’t backup story”.
Dan Rather admitted that he was misled about the authenticity of those documents. Dan was furious. In fact today he was talking about that 86 yr-old former Texas National Guard Secretary and he said, "The bitch set me up!”
Last night of course was the Emmy Awards. HBO won 32. NBC took home 8. And CBS News gave back 4.
Anybody watch TV Saturday night? I was watching the opening of the new Hooters in Atlantic City, no I’m sorry that was the Miss America Pageant.
Did you see the new swimsuits at the Miss America Pageant? Is it me or is this gig just a brass pole and a two drink minimum away from being a strip club?
Congratulations to Miss California who won the talent competition. Her talent staying a virgin in California for 22 years.
Congratulations this weekend to Britney Spears – not for getting married, for staying married so long. What is it 52 hours now?! Just a couple of hours from breaking the old 55 hour record. I think these kids are going to make it.
She married Kevin Federline who was her backup dancers, and apparently here backup husband as well.
Britney sent out wedding invitations, but only to her closest friends. Well they weren’t really invitations. It’s like a season pass. You’ll get into all the 2004 weddings. Any of the weddings up until January, you are in! Walk right up. Don’t even show anything.
Here’s an odd story - The Church of England is now sponsoring some kind of reality show called "Priest Idol”. I’m not making this up. It’s a reality show with priests, "Priest Idol”. That beats the original title "I’m an alter boy - get me out of here!”
Letterman
Are you following the controversy here at CBS News? It’s nasty. There was the memos about President Bush’s National Guard service. And then it turned out that they were forged. CBS says that they were mislead in a colossal hoax. Coincidentally that’s the same thing they said in hiring me.
Last night was the annual Emmy Awards. You just got to love the Emmy Awards. Personally I think it’s about time these TV stars got some recognition.
The security at the Emmy’s was tighter than Star Jones dress.
The Emmy’s this year were so boring that I thought I was hosting.
The award for best supporting actress went to Mrs. McGreevey.
Award for best technical achievement went to Donald Trump’s hair.
Opposite the Emmys, NBC showed "Titanic”. I saw a ship coming down, I thought it was the Kerry campaign.
President Bush still continuing to lead in the polls. In fact when John Kerry was told the latest poll numbers, he called President Clinton again. Not for advice, just to make sure he had his vote. "You’re still with me right?”
Did you know John Kerry is going to be appearing on "Dr. Phil” next week. Is that how bad his campaign is going? He needs grief counseling now?
What happened to John Edwards? You know, I thought you weren’t supposed to go into your secret location until after you’re vice president.
Let’s see what’s going on over at CBS News. CBS as of today which stands for "can’t backup story”.
Dan Rather admitted that he was misled about the authenticity of those documents. Dan was furious. In fact today he was talking about that 86 yr-old former Texas National Guard Secretary and he said, "The bitch set me up!”
Last night of course was the Emmy Awards. HBO won 32. NBC took home 8. And CBS News gave back 4.
Anybody watch TV Saturday night? I was watching the opening of the new Hooters in Atlantic City, no I’m sorry that was the Miss America Pageant.
Did you see the new swimsuits at the Miss America Pageant? Is it me or is this gig just a brass pole and a two drink minimum away from being a strip club?
Congratulations to Miss California who won the talent competition. Her talent staying a virgin in California for 22 years.
Congratulations this weekend to Britney Spears – not for getting married, for staying married so long. What is it 52 hours now?! Just a couple of hours from breaking the old 55 hour record. I think these kids are going to make it.
She married Kevin Federline who was her backup dancers, and apparently here backup husband as well.
Britney sent out wedding invitations, but only to her closest friends. Well they weren’t really invitations. It’s like a season pass. You’ll get into all the 2004 weddings. Any of the weddings up until January, you are in! Walk right up. Don’t even show anything.
Here’s an odd story - The Church of England is now sponsoring some kind of reality show called "Priest Idol”. I’m not making this up. It’s a reality show with priests, "Priest Idol”. That beats the original title "I’m an alter boy - get me out of here!”
Letterman
Are you following the controversy here at CBS News? It’s nasty. There was the memos about President Bush’s National Guard service. And then it turned out that they were forged. CBS says that they were mislead in a colossal hoax. Coincidentally that’s the same thing they said in hiring me.
Last night was the annual Emmy Awards. You just got to love the Emmy Awards. Personally I think it’s about time these TV stars got some recognition.
The security at the Emmy’s was tighter than Star Jones dress.
The Emmy’s this year were so boring that I thought I was hosting.
The award for best supporting actress went to Mrs. McGreevey.
Award for best technical achievement went to Donald Trump’s hair.
