Saturday, September 25, 2004
Leno
John Kerry says if he’s elected president, he will go to the U.N. and persuade the other nations to help fight the War on Terror. We can’t get them to pay their parking tickets. Why don’t you start with that?
John Kerry will debate President Bush in Florida. Right now Kerry has a bad cold, you can barely understand what he’s saying, so it looks like it should be a fair fight.
In fact his voice is so bad, doctors have advised him to rest his throat and only give one position on each issue for awhile.
Last night John Kerry said George Bush was incompetent in handling of Iraq and President Bush said that John Kerry can’t make up his mind. You know what’s really scary - they’re both right.
Welcome to day four of "Britney Spears: Believe It or Not”.
As I’m sure you may have heard by now, "US Weekly” says that Britney Spears may have fooled people magazine with a fake wedding. Dan Rather is going "See? It could happen to anybody."
HBO has a big special this weekend. "Cat Stevens Live at Guantanamo Bay.”
The former singer Cat Stevens now know by his Islamic name Yusuf Islam, was questioned by the FBI after his plane to Washington was diverted because his name was on a government terror list. You know its bad enough our two candidates for president are stuck in the 70’s. Apparently so is airport security.
Yusuf Islam used to be Cat Stevens. I was thinking, Osama bin Laden was formerly known as Vanilla Ice.
Some sad news: the company that makes Twinkies has filed for chapter 11. The good news is they just made a fresh batch of Twinkies that should last til the year 2057.
If you do run out of Twinkies, you can actually go to the company’s website and they can show you how you can make your own Twinkies using a pack of hot-dog rolls and a caulking gun.
The pentagon now considering a new rule to court marshall any soldier who patronizes a prostitute while stationed overseas. So in other words, buy American. You don’t want to have a dishonorable discharge.
I watched the new "CSI” show and it was all about choking. No, wait. That was highlights of the last few Dodger games. I got confused.
Congratulations to our good friend Billy Joel, received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Monday. Quite an accomplishment. This is the first time that Billy’s been up on the sidewalk without his car.
John Kerry says if he’s elected president, he will go to the U.N. and persuade the other nations to help fight the War on Terror. We can’t get them to pay their parking tickets. Why don’t you start with that?
John Kerry will debate President Bush in Florida. Right now Kerry has a bad cold, you can barely understand what he’s saying, so it looks like it should be a fair fight.
In fact his voice is so bad, doctors have advised him to rest his throat and only give one position on each issue for awhile.
Last night John Kerry said George Bush was incompetent in handling of Iraq and President Bush said that John Kerry can’t make up his mind. You know what’s really scary - they’re both right.
Welcome to day four of "Britney Spears: Believe It or Not”.
As I’m sure you may have heard by now, "US Weekly” says that Britney Spears may have fooled people magazine with a fake wedding. Dan Rather is going "See? It could happen to anybody."
HBO has a big special this weekend. "Cat Stevens Live at Guantanamo Bay.”
The former singer Cat Stevens now know by his Islamic name Yusuf Islam, was questioned by the FBI after his plane to Washington was diverted because his name was on a government terror list. You know its bad enough our two candidates for president are stuck in the 70’s. Apparently so is airport security.
Yusuf Islam used to be Cat Stevens. I was thinking, Osama bin Laden was formerly known as Vanilla Ice.
Some sad news: the company that makes Twinkies has filed for chapter 11. The good news is they just made a fresh batch of Twinkies that should last til the year 2057.
If you do run out of Twinkies, you can actually go to the company’s website and they can show you how you can make your own Twinkies using a pack of hot-dog rolls and a caulking gun.
The pentagon now considering a new rule to court marshall any soldier who patronizes a prostitute while stationed overseas. So in other words, buy American. You don’t want to have a dishonorable discharge.
I watched the new "CSI” show and it was all about choking. No, wait. That was highlights of the last few Dodger games. I got confused.
Congratulations to our good friend Billy Joel, received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Monday. Quite an accomplishment. This is the first time that Billy’s been up on the sidewalk without his car.
