Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Leno
"Forbes” magazine has released its latest list of the richest 400 Americans. The richest woman on the list is Alice Walton, she’s worth 18 billion dollars. Or as John Kerry calls her – the one who got away.
You know what’s interesting, both candidates now are trying to lower expectations for how they’ll do on the debates. For example Kerry tried to lower expectations for himself by saying "Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a formable opponent.” Then Bush lowered expectations for himself when he said, "hey what does formable mean?”
Teresa Heinz Kerry predicted at a fundraiser the other day that Osama bin Laden will be captured just before the election. Of course when President Bush heard he was furious. He said, "How did she find out?”
Welcome to the 50th anniversary of "The Tonight Show”. "The Tonight Show” is 50 years old tonight. You know what that means? Everybody in the audience gets a free prostate exam.
To give you an idea how much things have changed in television – 50 years ago the cast of "60 Minutes” were middle aged and their facts were correct.
Despite Hurricane Jean, this Thursday’s presidential debate in Miami is still on. Is that a good idea with a hurricane going? Do you realize if both candidates were to drown, we could be looking at President Ralph Nader.
Speaking of that, Ralph Nader says he is going to participate in the presidential debates. Okay, he’ll be at home yelling at the screen, but…
Here’s some news from the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection. They are now letting people take human remains, mix them in cement, and drop them in the ocean to help make more reefs. Didn’t that used to be called "the mafia”?
According to scientific research, dogs have the ability to smell cancer in people. That means if a dog is sniffing you, it either likes you or you’re going to die.
Letterman
There are some rules in the debates. The candidates for example must stand at least ten feet apart. They must not address each other directly. It’s the same rules in the John Kerry and Teresa Heinz pre-nup agreement.
Welcome to "The Late Show” or as CBS calls it – "CSI: Letterman”.
New York is great though. If you’re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
Don’t kid yourself though. New York City is a tough town. To give you an idea – the Statue of Liberty used to have a purse.
Martha Stewart had a big weekend. She and agent from Century 21 went cell hunting.
The presidential debates start this Thursday in Miami. And today as a result thousands began evacuating.
"Forbes” magazine has released its latest list of the richest 400 Americans. The richest woman on the list is Alice Walton, she’s worth 18 billion dollars. Or as John Kerry calls her – the one who got away.
You know what’s interesting, both candidates now are trying to lower expectations for how they’ll do on the debates. For example Kerry tried to lower expectations for himself by saying "Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a formable opponent.” Then Bush lowered expectations for himself when he said, "hey what does formable mean?”
Teresa Heinz Kerry predicted at a fundraiser the other day that Osama bin Laden will be captured just before the election. Of course when President Bush heard he was furious. He said, "How did she find out?”
Welcome to the 50th anniversary of "The Tonight Show”. "The Tonight Show” is 50 years old tonight. You know what that means? Everybody in the audience gets a free prostate exam.
To give you an idea how much things have changed in television – 50 years ago the cast of "60 Minutes” were middle aged and their facts were correct.
Despite Hurricane Jean, this Thursday’s presidential debate in Miami is still on. Is that a good idea with a hurricane going? Do you realize if both candidates were to drown, we could be looking at President Ralph Nader.
Speaking of that, Ralph Nader says he is going to participate in the presidential debates. Okay, he’ll be at home yelling at the screen, but…
Here’s some news from the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection. They are now letting people take human remains, mix them in cement, and drop them in the ocean to help make more reefs. Didn’t that used to be called "the mafia”?
According to scientific research, dogs have the ability to smell cancer in people. That means if a dog is sniffing you, it either likes you or you’re going to die.
Letterman
There are some rules in the debates. The candidates for example must stand at least ten feet apart. They must not address each other directly. It’s the same rules in the John Kerry and Teresa Heinz pre-nup agreement.
Welcome to "The Late Show” or as CBS calls it – "CSI: Letterman”.
New York is great though. If you’re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.
Don’t kid yourself though. New York City is a tough town. To give you an idea – the Statue of Liberty used to have a purse.
Martha Stewart had a big weekend. She and agent from Century 21 went cell hunting.
The presidential debates start this Thursday in Miami. And today as a result thousands began evacuating.
