Wednesday, September 22, 2004
CBS's Dan Rather Jokes
(See Photo) Dan, Everyone Else Is Laughing
Rush: Is this bigger than Dan Rather? We can sit here, we can start making fun of this... and that is the next thing to happen. People are going to start making jokes about it, and they're going to be really funny jokes here and that's going to make the people at CBS even angrier.
Leno
Let’s see what’s going on over at CBS News. CBS as of today which stands for "can’t backup story”.
Dan Rather admitted that he was misled about the authenticity of those documents. Dan was furious. In fact today he was talking about that 86 yr-old former Texas National Guard Secretary and he said, "The bitch set me up!”
Last night of course was the Emmy Awards. HBO won 32. NBC took home 8. And CBS News gave back 4.
Happy "TGIF” everybody – or as Republicans call it "thank God it’s a forgery”.
That was the big head in the "New York Times” said the CBS memos are "fake but accurate.” Fake but accurate? They’re like breasts in California. "Fake but accurate.”
CBS has a new slogan, "truth, you can't handle the truth!"
Today Dan Rather got some bad news, he's being investigated by "60 Minutes”.
On "60 Minutes” the other night Dan Rather interviewed the 86 year old former Texas National Guard Secretary. And Mike Wallace was furious. In fact he complained to "60 Minutes” producers, "How come Rather always gets to interview the hot chicks?!”
Here’s some good news - unemployment is down to 5.4% but a lot of people are still looking for jobs. If you’re looking for a job in TV, I understand "60 Minutes” needs a fact checker.
CBS News has a new slogan…."it seems real to us.”
The big story this week continues to be these forged documents that turned up on "60 Minutes”. Or, as the Democrats call them, weapons of mass "distraction”!
As I’m sure you know, there was speculation now that someone may have intentionally duped Dan Rather and "60 Minutes” cast by passing them forged documents. Don’t you hate to see these scams that target the elderly? It is wrong!
I think Dan’s getting a little desperate. Like today he produced another witness. This time he brought out "Joan of Arcadia” and she said that god told her the documents were real.
Dan Rather finally acknowledged there are "unanswered questions.” The last time they had this many "unanswered questions” on a TV show, Jessica Simpson was on "Jeopardy”.
I don’t know what the big deal is about these phony documents, I mean the last election we had phony documents too. Remember in Florida they were called ballots.
A lot of new shows premiering this week. CBS has a new news magazine coming out….it’s called "Dan Rather’s Believe It or Not”.
You all know CBS, which stands for "Can't Believe Story”.
There seems to be more and more evidence that those documents about George Bush’s time in the National Guard that they showed on "60 Minutes” might be fake. In fact, on nightline, Ted Koppel said the Kerry campaign put this stuff out forgeries would be "unbelievably stupid.” You know what this means? Bush is the smart one.
Let’s see what’s going on at CBS News.
I guess you’re familiar with these allegations that the bush National Guard records displayed on "60 Minutes” were fake. Hey, as long as we’re cracking down on fake stuff on "60 Minutes”, how about somebody looks into Mike Wallace’s hair? The guy is 86, it’s jet black! How did that happen?
Actually new documents surfaced proving that President Bush did not fulfill his National Guard service. CBS said they know they’re new because they were just printed over the weekend.
Did you hear this? "60 minutes” has a new policy. From now on they're going to spend at least "60 minutes” verifying their stories.
(See Photo) Dan, Everyone Else Is Laughing
Rush: Is this bigger than Dan Rather? We can sit here, we can start making fun of this... and that is the next thing to happen. People are going to start making jokes about it, and they're going to be really funny jokes here and that's going to make the people at CBS even angrier.
Leno
Let’s see what’s going on over at CBS News. CBS as of today which stands for "can’t backup story”.
Dan Rather admitted that he was misled about the authenticity of those documents. Dan was furious. In fact today he was talking about that 86 yr-old former Texas National Guard Secretary and he said, "The bitch set me up!”
Last night of course was the Emmy Awards. HBO won 32. NBC took home 8. And CBS News gave back 4.
Happy "TGIF” everybody – or as Republicans call it "thank God it’s a forgery”.
That was the big head in the "New York Times” said the CBS memos are "fake but accurate.” Fake but accurate? They’re like breasts in California. "Fake but accurate.”
CBS has a new slogan, "truth, you can't handle the truth!"
Today Dan Rather got some bad news, he's being investigated by "60 Minutes”.
On "60 Minutes” the other night Dan Rather interviewed the 86 year old former Texas National Guard Secretary. And Mike Wallace was furious. In fact he complained to "60 Minutes” producers, "How come Rather always gets to interview the hot chicks?!”
Here’s some good news - unemployment is down to 5.4% but a lot of people are still looking for jobs. If you’re looking for a job in TV, I understand "60 Minutes” needs a fact checker.
CBS News has a new slogan…."it seems real to us.”
The big story this week continues to be these forged documents that turned up on "60 Minutes”. Or, as the Democrats call them, weapons of mass "distraction”!
As I’m sure you know, there was speculation now that someone may have intentionally duped Dan Rather and "60 Minutes” cast by passing them forged documents. Don’t you hate to see these scams that target the elderly? It is wrong!
I think Dan’s getting a little desperate. Like today he produced another witness. This time he brought out "Joan of Arcadia” and she said that god told her the documents were real.
Dan Rather finally acknowledged there are "unanswered questions.” The last time they had this many "unanswered questions” on a TV show, Jessica Simpson was on "Jeopardy”.
I don’t know what the big deal is about these phony documents, I mean the last election we had phony documents too. Remember in Florida they were called ballots.
A lot of new shows premiering this week. CBS has a new news magazine coming out….it’s called "Dan Rather’s Believe It or Not”.
You all know CBS, which stands for "Can't Believe Story”.
There seems to be more and more evidence that those documents about George Bush’s time in the National Guard that they showed on "60 Minutes” might be fake. In fact, on nightline, Ted Koppel said the Kerry campaign put this stuff out forgeries would be "unbelievably stupid.” You know what this means? Bush is the smart one.
Let’s see what’s going on at CBS News.
I guess you’re familiar with these allegations that the bush National Guard records displayed on "60 Minutes” were fake. Hey, as long as we’re cracking down on fake stuff on "60 Minutes”, how about somebody looks into Mike Wallace’s hair? The guy is 86, it’s jet black! How did that happen?
Actually new documents surfaced proving that President Bush did not fulfill his National Guard service. CBS said they know they’re new because they were just printed over the weekend.
Did you hear this? "60 minutes” has a new policy. From now on they're going to spend at least "60 minutes” verifying their stories.
