Friday, July 23, 2004
Leno
Whew! Another scorcher today. I tell you, I was sweating like Linda Rondstadt cashing her check from the Aladdin Hotel.
Do you realize we’re less than four months from election day and less than six months from the final recount?
One of John Kerry’s advisors, Sandy Berger, who was also President Clinton’s National Security Advisor, has stepped down while he’s the target of a criminal investigation. It seems he’s charged with putting classified documents in his pants and sneaking them out of the national archives. In Washington, that’s what’s called "inside the beltway”.
In his defense, he said he didn’t stuff the documents into his pants for security reasons. He said he did it just to impress girls.
This way when girls would say to him, "Hey what’s that bulge in your pants?” He could say, "It’s classified.”
As you know, the 911 Commission Report is came out today. The commission is recommending that a national intelligence chief be appointed. One guy in charge of knowing everything. I was trying to think, "Who would be right for that job?” You know who’d be great, Ken Jennings, the guy who wins all the time on "jeopardy”? He’d be perfect!
He’s won over a million dollars on "Jeopardy”. I can’t even spell "Jeopardy”.
As you know the presidential conventions are coming up soon. You know how much time the big four TV networks are going to devote to convention coverage? Three hours - total. One hour a night for three nights. Which is only 1/10th the time we devote to choosing an "American Idol”!
Lance Armstrong – 1st place – Tour de France…four minute lead...…the director of the Tour de France says he has seen people in the crowd spitting at Lance Armstrong...the sad part is - that’s the best treatment an American has received in France in probably 20 years.
Fortunately, Lance Armstrong was able to scare them off by speaking German.
There was a special on PBS the other night that looked into the theory that the Chinese discovered America before Columbus. A lot of people think Leif Eriksson and the Vikings discovered America first, now they’re saying it’s the Chinese. Apparently Christopher Columbus was the last person to discover America.
Isn’t this whole thing a stupid argument? Who discovered America? How can anyone claim to discover a country when there are people on shore meeting your boat when it lands?
Letterman
Did you hear about this yesterday? The Germans were spitting on Lance Armstrong as he rode through the Alps. Well that makes sense, because when you think about civilized behavior you think about Germans.
Whew! Another scorcher today. I tell you, I was sweating like Linda Rondstadt cashing her check from the Aladdin Hotel.
Do you realize we’re less than four months from election day and less than six months from the final recount?
One of John Kerry’s advisors, Sandy Berger, who was also President Clinton’s National Security Advisor, has stepped down while he’s the target of a criminal investigation. It seems he’s charged with putting classified documents in his pants and sneaking them out of the national archives. In Washington, that’s what’s called "inside the beltway”.
In his defense, he said he didn’t stuff the documents into his pants for security reasons. He said he did it just to impress girls.
This way when girls would say to him, "Hey what’s that bulge in your pants?” He could say, "It’s classified.”
As you know, the 911 Commission Report is came out today. The commission is recommending that a national intelligence chief be appointed. One guy in charge of knowing everything. I was trying to think, "Who would be right for that job?” You know who’d be great, Ken Jennings, the guy who wins all the time on "jeopardy”? He’d be perfect!
He’s won over a million dollars on "Jeopardy”. I can’t even spell "Jeopardy”.
As you know the presidential conventions are coming up soon. You know how much time the big four TV networks are going to devote to convention coverage? Three hours - total. One hour a night for three nights. Which is only 1/10th the time we devote to choosing an "American Idol”!
Lance Armstrong – 1st place – Tour de France…four minute lead...…the director of the Tour de France says he has seen people in the crowd spitting at Lance Armstrong...the sad part is - that’s the best treatment an American has received in France in probably 20 years.
Fortunately, Lance Armstrong was able to scare them off by speaking German.
There was a special on PBS the other night that looked into the theory that the Chinese discovered America before Columbus. A lot of people think Leif Eriksson and the Vikings discovered America first, now they’re saying it’s the Chinese. Apparently Christopher Columbus was the last person to discover America.
Isn’t this whole thing a stupid argument? Who discovered America? How can anyone claim to discover a country when there are people on shore meeting your boat when it lands?
Letterman
Did you hear about this yesterday? The Germans were spitting on Lance Armstrong as he rode through the Alps. Well that makes sense, because when you think about civilized behavior you think about Germans.
