Saturday, July 31, 2004
Leno
The Republicans keep telling us the Democrats are trying to divide the country. Then the Democrats keep telling us the Republicans are trying to divide the country. And the result, the country is divided. Nice work fellas! Helluva job!
A quick survey. How many are voting for the Democratic candidate? How many for the Republican candidate? And how many are waiting for "The Manchurian candidate”? I want to see what he has to say.
If you don’t like a joke in the monologue don’t worry. Hope is on the way.
John Edwards gave his speech last night and I thought he did a great job considering he was a last minute replacement for John McCain.
In fact Edwards speech was so good, when he finished, the delegates awarded him $80 million plus punitive damages.
Edwards said there are "two Americas”. And then later in the speech, he announced if John Kerry is elected president, they’ll open a third America maybe out near Anaheim possibly…one by Six Flags…
Ron Reagan, son of the late president, spoke about the Republicans fear of stem cell research. And after that, Martha Stewart spoke about her fear of jail cell research.
Ted Kennedy looked pretty good. Lost 40 pounds. Of course the bad thing, now his head looks bigger than ever.
We have Michael Moore on the show tonight and I’ll have to ask him about this….it seems Yeslam bin Laden, one of Osama‘s 54 brothers and sisters, he says that "Fahrenheit 9-11” has inaccuracies about his family. I just hope this doesn’t ruin the good bin laden family name! You’d hate to see that happen, huh?
Former NBA player Jayson Williams, who was just acquitted of shooting his chauffeur, is now being sued for animal cruelty for shooting his dog three years ago...so I guess the lesson here is: you can shoot your chauffeur but don’t shot the dog whatever you do.
Although Williams said he didn’t mean to shoot his dog – he was aiming for the gardener.
Letterman
The Democratic Convention. Wow! I haven’t seen this much excitement since the Gore-Lieberman era.
John Edwards spoke last night. He was so dull that Teresa Heinz-Kerry told him to shove it!
Something sad happened at the convention. After John Kerry accepted the nomination – out of habit Al Gore demanded a recount.
Well we’ve had Kerry’s acceptance speech. Now we’ll have the Republican Convention. And then it will be time for the crooked voting machines in Florida.
The Republicans keep telling us the Democrats are trying to divide the country. Then the Democrats keep telling us the Republicans are trying to divide the country. And the result, the country is divided. Nice work fellas! Helluva job!
A quick survey. How many are voting for the Democratic candidate? How many for the Republican candidate? And how many are waiting for "The Manchurian candidate”? I want to see what he has to say.
If you don’t like a joke in the monologue don’t worry. Hope is on the way.
John Edwards gave his speech last night and I thought he did a great job considering he was a last minute replacement for John McCain.
In fact Edwards speech was so good, when he finished, the delegates awarded him $80 million plus punitive damages.
Edwards said there are "two Americas”. And then later in the speech, he announced if John Kerry is elected president, they’ll open a third America maybe out near Anaheim possibly…one by Six Flags…
Ron Reagan, son of the late president, spoke about the Republicans fear of stem cell research. And after that, Martha Stewart spoke about her fear of jail cell research.
Ted Kennedy looked pretty good. Lost 40 pounds. Of course the bad thing, now his head looks bigger than ever.
We have Michael Moore on the show tonight and I’ll have to ask him about this….it seems Yeslam bin Laden, one of Osama‘s 54 brothers and sisters, he says that "Fahrenheit 9-11” has inaccuracies about his family. I just hope this doesn’t ruin the good bin laden family name! You’d hate to see that happen, huh?
Former NBA player Jayson Williams, who was just acquitted of shooting his chauffeur, is now being sued for animal cruelty for shooting his dog three years ago...so I guess the lesson here is: you can shoot your chauffeur but don’t shot the dog whatever you do.
Although Williams said he didn’t mean to shoot his dog – he was aiming for the gardener.
Letterman
The Democratic Convention. Wow! I haven’t seen this much excitement since the Gore-Lieberman era.
John Edwards spoke last night. He was so dull that Teresa Heinz-Kerry told him to shove it!
Something sad happened at the convention. After John Kerry accepted the nomination – out of habit Al Gore demanded a recount.
Well we’ve had Kerry’s acceptance speech. Now we’ll have the Republican Convention. And then it will be time for the crooked voting machines in Florida.
