Thursday, July 29, 2004
Leno
I tell ya, I was sweating like John Kerry trying to get a personality before Thursday’s big speech.
I’m sure you saw this on the news last night the convention center was surrounded by police, FBI, they had sharpshooters on every roof top, security was tighter than John Kerry’s face after a Botox injection.
Did you all see Hillary Clinton introduce Bill last night in Boston? It was like the party faithful introducing the party unfaithful.
There was one awkward moment when Hillary turned to Bill slapped him and said, "Which of your little whores gave you that tie!”
Former President Clinton spoke last night but he did not give the keynote address. Although I do understand he did give a key, a note, and his address to a waitress who was working the concessions stand.
Democrats were mad about all the good jobs lost because of Bush…..Whoopi Goldberg’s, Linda Ronstadt’s, Al Gore…. A lot of jobs….lot of jobs…
As you know Teresa Heinz has been taking criticism for telling a reporter to "shove it” the other day. Can you blame Teresa Heinz really? I mean what’s the point of having a billion dollars if you can’t tell someone to "shove it”. Not a lot of minimum wage people going "shove it”!
Did you see Kerry trying to throw out the first pitch at the Red Sox – Yankees game the other night. It didn’t even make it all the way to the plate. In fact, his pitch was so weak, today he was offered a contract with the Arizona Diamondbacks.
It looks like Lance Armstrong is on his way back to America for a well deserved rest. You know what I really admire about Lance Armstrong – finally an American in Europe who looks good in shorts.
I tell you this guy really is a hero because they treated him terribly over there. They booed at him, they called him names, they threw drinks at him as he went by. He said he felt like Linda Rondstadt.
President Bush is inviting Lance Armstrong to the White House. Not to congratulate him. To teach him how to ride a bike properly.
By the end of 2004, over eight thousand McDonald’s restaurants will be accepting credit cards. This will allowed American to combine their two favorite pastimes, going deeper into debt and getting fat.
I guess using credit cards is easier than teaching those kids to give change properly.
How does this work? If you miss a payment do they put a McLean on your house?
We have the Governor of Kentucky Ernie Fletcher on the show. You know the difference between California and Kentucky? In Kentucky, when three-year olds are running fast, it’s called the Kentucky Derby. In California, when three-year olds are running fast, it’s called the Neverland Ranch.
Letterman
It’s was cold here in New York City for this time of year. But not as chilly as that hug between Bill and Hillary last night.
There was one uncomfortable moment last night at the Democratic National Convention when Al Gore accepted the nomination.
Michael Moore is at the convention – which explains the tight security around the buffet.
John Kerry’s theme for the convention is "a lifetime of strength and service”. Is it really a good idea to run on an old Maytag slogan?
Did you see Bill Clinton speak at the convention last night? Did you see Bubba? Wooo! He had to stop 23 times for applause and 3 times for sex.
Kilborn
Teresa Heinz and Dick Cheney have formed a rap group.
Bill Clinton pumped up the crowd last night at the Democratic Convention. He had the crowd chanting, "Four more whores! Four more whores!”
Howard Dean is scheduled to speak tonight at the convention. He was given no time limit – just asked to turn off the lights when he leaves.
I tell ya, I was sweating like John Kerry trying to get a personality before Thursday’s big speech.
I’m sure you saw this on the news last night the convention center was surrounded by police, FBI, they had sharpshooters on every roof top, security was tighter than John Kerry’s face after a Botox injection.
Did you all see Hillary Clinton introduce Bill last night in Boston? It was like the party faithful introducing the party unfaithful.
There was one awkward moment when Hillary turned to Bill slapped him and said, "Which of your little whores gave you that tie!”
Former President Clinton spoke last night but he did not give the keynote address. Although I do understand he did give a key, a note, and his address to a waitress who was working the concessions stand.
Democrats were mad about all the good jobs lost because of Bush…..Whoopi Goldberg’s, Linda Ronstadt’s, Al Gore…. A lot of jobs….lot of jobs…
As you know Teresa Heinz has been taking criticism for telling a reporter to "shove it” the other day. Can you blame Teresa Heinz really? I mean what’s the point of having a billion dollars if you can’t tell someone to "shove it”. Not a lot of minimum wage people going "shove it”!
Did you see Kerry trying to throw out the first pitch at the Red Sox – Yankees game the other night. It didn’t even make it all the way to the plate. In fact, his pitch was so weak, today he was offered a contract with the Arizona Diamondbacks.
It looks like Lance Armstrong is on his way back to America for a well deserved rest. You know what I really admire about Lance Armstrong – finally an American in Europe who looks good in shorts.
I tell you this guy really is a hero because they treated him terribly over there. They booed at him, they called him names, they threw drinks at him as he went by. He said he felt like Linda Rondstadt.
President Bush is inviting Lance Armstrong to the White House. Not to congratulate him. To teach him how to ride a bike properly.
By the end of 2004, over eight thousand McDonald’s restaurants will be accepting credit cards. This will allowed American to combine their two favorite pastimes, going deeper into debt and getting fat.
I guess using credit cards is easier than teaching those kids to give change properly.
How does this work? If you miss a payment do they put a McLean on your house?
We have the Governor of Kentucky Ernie Fletcher on the show. You know the difference between California and Kentucky? In Kentucky, when three-year olds are running fast, it’s called the Kentucky Derby. In California, when three-year olds are running fast, it’s called the Neverland Ranch.
Letterman
It’s was cold here in New York City for this time of year. But not as chilly as that hug between Bill and Hillary last night.
There was one uncomfortable moment last night at the Democratic National Convention when Al Gore accepted the nomination.
Michael Moore is at the convention – which explains the tight security around the buffet.
John Kerry’s theme for the convention is "a lifetime of strength and service”. Is it really a good idea to run on an old Maytag slogan?
Did you see Bill Clinton speak at the convention last night? Did you see Bubba? Wooo! He had to stop 23 times for applause and 3 times for sex.
Kilborn
Teresa Heinz and Dick Cheney have formed a rap group.
Bill Clinton pumped up the crowd last night at the Democratic Convention. He had the crowd chanting, "Four more whores! Four more whores!”
Howard Dean is scheduled to speak tonight at the convention. He was given no time limit – just asked to turn off the lights when he leaves.
