Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Leno
Have you been watching Kerry and Edwards on the campaign trial? These guys have done more hugging in four days than Bill and Hillary have done in 26 years?
Kerry is hoping that Edwards will bring in a lot of the female vote because of the way he looks. So Cheney and Edwards are both going after voter’s hearts…but Cheney is looking for a donor.
John Edwards said he was humbled when John Kerry asked him to be his vice presidential running mate. I guess so. You know what’s really humbling? When Ralph Nader asks you to be his vice president. In fact, that’s not even humbling - ego-shattering.
Thanks for coming out on such a hot day. What was it 100 degrees today? I know we joke about it, but we lost one man to the heat today – Shaquille O’Neal.
It was so hot, I was sweating like a U.S. track star trying to take a drug test.
I was sweating like Ken Lay watching an episode of "Oz”. That’s how hot it was.
I guess you heard it looks like Enron’s Ken Lay is getting a new cell number.
After 7 years as CIA Director, George Tenet officially resigned as of yesterday. His final words of advice to the agency were "Keep an eye out for this bin Laden fella, he could be trouble.”
Pope John Paul the 2nd has apologized to Istanbul for the sacking of Constantinople in the year 1204. How old is the pope? I knew he was old.
The Lakers announced over the weekend they agreed to trade Shaq to the Miami Heat. They figure Shaq could be the first dominating seven footer in South Florida since Janet Reno.
Kobe is really excited about the trade. He said he’s looking forward to having a new group of teammates not to pass the ball to!
Letterman
John Kerry chose John Edwards to be his running mate. I haven’t seen this much electricity since Dole-Kemp.
John Kerry skipped a meeting over Homeland Security with Tom Ridge because he was too busy. John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to attend. You’re not supposed to ignore terror threats until after you become president.
This John Kerry and John Edwards ticket is going better than expected. The two have been everywhere together. In fact today they went to Massachusetts and got married.
It’s hot here in New York City. It’s lousy hot. It’s so hot that today they recommended that you wear the number 30 sun block. Tomorrow they are going to recommend that you wear the number 40. They do this each day – and on Wednesday they’re recommending that you wear A-1 Sauce.
The cicadas are finally gone. They came and made a lot of noise. Now they are gone and won’t return for 17 years. Which means the next time they return it might be in time for the Michael Jackson trial.
Kilborn
Ralph Nader and Howard Dean held a debate. They debated why they held a debate.
Courtney Love was rushed to the hospital today. I don’t know what condition she’s in but I think we can rule out "stable”.
Have you been watching Kerry and Edwards on the campaign trial? These guys have done more hugging in four days than Bill and Hillary have done in 26 years?
Kerry is hoping that Edwards will bring in a lot of the female vote because of the way he looks. So Cheney and Edwards are both going after voter’s hearts…but Cheney is looking for a donor.
John Edwards said he was humbled when John Kerry asked him to be his vice presidential running mate. I guess so. You know what’s really humbling? When Ralph Nader asks you to be his vice president. In fact, that’s not even humbling - ego-shattering.
Thanks for coming out on such a hot day. What was it 100 degrees today? I know we joke about it, but we lost one man to the heat today – Shaquille O’Neal.
It was so hot, I was sweating like a U.S. track star trying to take a drug test.
I was sweating like Ken Lay watching an episode of "Oz”. That’s how hot it was.
I guess you heard it looks like Enron’s Ken Lay is getting a new cell number.
After 7 years as CIA Director, George Tenet officially resigned as of yesterday. His final words of advice to the agency were "Keep an eye out for this bin Laden fella, he could be trouble.”
Pope John Paul the 2nd has apologized to Istanbul for the sacking of Constantinople in the year 1204. How old is the pope? I knew he was old.
The Lakers announced over the weekend they agreed to trade Shaq to the Miami Heat. They figure Shaq could be the first dominating seven footer in South Florida since Janet Reno.
Kobe is really excited about the trade. He said he’s looking forward to having a new group of teammates not to pass the ball to!
Letterman
John Kerry chose John Edwards to be his running mate. I haven’t seen this much electricity since Dole-Kemp.
John Kerry skipped a meeting over Homeland Security with Tom Ridge because he was too busy. John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to attend. You’re not supposed to ignore terror threats until after you become president.
This John Kerry and John Edwards ticket is going better than expected. The two have been everywhere together. In fact today they went to Massachusetts and got married.
It’s hot here in New York City. It’s lousy hot. It’s so hot that today they recommended that you wear the number 30 sun block. Tomorrow they are going to recommend that you wear the number 40. They do this each day – and on Wednesday they’re recommending that you wear A-1 Sauce.
The cicadas are finally gone. They came and made a lot of noise. Now they are gone and won’t return for 17 years. Which means the next time they return it might be in time for the Michael Jackson trial.
Kilborn
Ralph Nader and Howard Dean held a debate. They debated why they held a debate.
Courtney Love was rushed to the hospital today. I don’t know what condition she’s in but I think we can rule out "stable”.
