Thursday, July 22, 2004
Leno
Did you hear about Linda Ronstadt? She was kicked out of the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas after dedicating a song in her show to Michael Moore...in fact, they dragged her off the stage using the same nets they used on that tiger who attacked Roy.
After she got kicked out of the Aladdin, she went down to the Paris casino and was hailed as a hero.
Whew! Another hot day. What was it 102 today? People were sweating like Arnold at a girly man convention.
As I’m sure you know, Governor Schwarzenegger has not apologized for his "girly man” comment. Which isn’t a surprise, he still hasn’t apologized for making that "jingle all the way” movie.
Former Clinton National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger, Sandy Berger - I had one of those at Wendy's once…. is now under a criminal investigation for destroying highly classified intelligence documents. His lawyer says what he did wasn’t illegal, it was just sloppy. Which was also Bill Clinton’s defense during the Monica Lewinsky scandal wasn’t it - not illegal, just sloppy?
President Bush has caused a huge international controversy after he said that Fidel Castro has made the Cuban sex tourist trade bigger than the one in Southeast Asia. Well, this has congressional fact finding tour written all over it. "We gotta investigate, see you in a few months.”
Actually, Castro did not deny it, Castro said Cuba has the world’s best-educated prostitutes. Gee, I wonder how these girls would have ended up if they hadn’t stayed in school?
Did you hear about Howard Dean? Howard Dean was at the Washington, D.C. airport, he’s in a pay phone when a thief reached in and swiped his wallet and ran away. Yeah, he stole Howard Dean’s I.D.’s. Gee, I wonder if Howard Dean screamed at the guy!
In fact, it said in the paper today that this is the worst thing to happen to Howard Dean since he was endorsed by Al Gore.
You know what it says on the back of license plates in Connecticut? "Made by Martha Stewart”.
Actor Robert Blake won a 2 month postponement in his murder trial. You know at this point, his wife probably would’ve died of old age. Or of natural causes.
Medicare said they will, now recognize obesity as an illness. You know what that means? Doctors will have to get bigger waiting rooms.
Letterman
Are you enjoying the summer weather in New York? I saw a little rat sitting on a corner enjoying a Dove bar. Only in New York!
Anyone here from California? (The California Fires was) Started when a scented candle was knocked over by a girly man.
Last night on the "Larry King Show” Martha Stewart was on the show. She says she is now writing a book for people in the same situation as her. I guess it’s for arrogant billionaires that lie to the feds.
Did you hear about Linda Ronstadt? She was kicked out of the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas after dedicating a song in her show to Michael Moore...in fact, they dragged her off the stage using the same nets they used on that tiger who attacked Roy.
After she got kicked out of the Aladdin, she went down to the Paris casino and was hailed as a hero.
Whew! Another hot day. What was it 102 today? People were sweating like Arnold at a girly man convention.
As I’m sure you know, Governor Schwarzenegger has not apologized for his "girly man” comment. Which isn’t a surprise, he still hasn’t apologized for making that "jingle all the way” movie.
Former Clinton National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger, Sandy Berger - I had one of those at Wendy's once…. is now under a criminal investigation for destroying highly classified intelligence documents. His lawyer says what he did wasn’t illegal, it was just sloppy. Which was also Bill Clinton’s defense during the Monica Lewinsky scandal wasn’t it - not illegal, just sloppy?
President Bush has caused a huge international controversy after he said that Fidel Castro has made the Cuban sex tourist trade bigger than the one in Southeast Asia. Well, this has congressional fact finding tour written all over it. "We gotta investigate, see you in a few months.”
Actually, Castro did not deny it, Castro said Cuba has the world’s best-educated prostitutes. Gee, I wonder how these girls would have ended up if they hadn’t stayed in school?
Did you hear about Howard Dean? Howard Dean was at the Washington, D.C. airport, he’s in a pay phone when a thief reached in and swiped his wallet and ran away. Yeah, he stole Howard Dean’s I.D.’s. Gee, I wonder if Howard Dean screamed at the guy!
In fact, it said in the paper today that this is the worst thing to happen to Howard Dean since he was endorsed by Al Gore.
You know what it says on the back of license plates in Connecticut? "Made by Martha Stewart”.
Actor Robert Blake won a 2 month postponement in his murder trial. You know at this point, his wife probably would’ve died of old age. Or of natural causes.
Medicare said they will, now recognize obesity as an illness. You know what that means? Doctors will have to get bigger waiting rooms.
Letterman
Are you enjoying the summer weather in New York? I saw a little rat sitting on a corner enjoying a Dove bar. Only in New York!
Anyone here from California? (The California Fires was) Started when a scented candle was knocked over by a girly man.
Last night on the "Larry King Show” Martha Stewart was on the show. She says she is now writing a book for people in the same situation as her. I guess it’s for arrogant billionaires that lie to the feds.
