Friday, July 16, 2004
Kilborn
Last night on Jeopardy Ken Jennings won a million dollars. That is the most money won by a man since John Kerry said, "I do.”
Leno
How ‘bout Kerry and Edwards, that little honeymoon there? Did you see them tossing that football back and forth all week? "Weeee! Weeee!” I tell you, it’s kind of refreshing to see two Democrats tossing the pigskin instead of fondling it.
You sound like you’re in a good mood. You sound like Kobe Bryant when he heard the Lakers traded Shaq! Kobe was so happy, he had sex with his wife.
It’s now official. Shaq has been traded to the Miami Heat. Are you sad that Shaq is leaving? It’s kind of sad. I saw a car today with a Laker flag flying at half mast.
There was yet another horrible video of a beating on television last night. This time 9 men beat up Roger Clemens with baseball bats.
For the 2nd time in the past few days, a new world record has been set in the 100 meter dash. It was set by Filipino troops fleeing Iraq.
The Democratic National Committee released its lineup of the politicians speaking at the convention, and Hillary Clinton was not on the list. Bill told her she shouldn’t feel bad. None of his other women are speaking either.
Burger King has hired the former president of Continental Airlines to be its new CEO. Here's my question, how bad is your food when you have to bring somebody in from the airlines to make it taste better?
Letterman
The Democratic National Convention is being held up in Boston and they have announced the speaking lineup. They are not going to allow Hillary Clinton to speak before the convention. When Bill Clinton heard this he asked, "How do you do that?”
How many folks saw the All Star Game last night? Baseball’s mid-season classic. Roger Clemens had a rough first inning. I haven’t seen a beating that bad of a guy since the Liza Minelli marriage.
The All Star Game was of course on Fox. We didn’t have it. Instead we had reruns of the Tony’s on CBS.
Tony Danza now has his own talk show now. Yeah – it’s my fault, I lowered the standard, blame it on me.
Conan
Today in the senate an amendment banning gay marriage was put down. Afterwards Republicans said that we’re not giving up - if we can’t ram it down their throats we’ll get through the backdoor.
Last night on Jeopardy Ken Jennings won a million dollars. That is the most money won by a man since John Kerry said, "I do.”
Leno
How ‘bout Kerry and Edwards, that little honeymoon there? Did you see them tossing that football back and forth all week? "Weeee! Weeee!” I tell you, it’s kind of refreshing to see two Democrats tossing the pigskin instead of fondling it.
You sound like you’re in a good mood. You sound like Kobe Bryant when he heard the Lakers traded Shaq! Kobe was so happy, he had sex with his wife.
It’s now official. Shaq has been traded to the Miami Heat. Are you sad that Shaq is leaving? It’s kind of sad. I saw a car today with a Laker flag flying at half mast.
There was yet another horrible video of a beating on television last night. This time 9 men beat up Roger Clemens with baseball bats.
For the 2nd time in the past few days, a new world record has been set in the 100 meter dash. It was set by Filipino troops fleeing Iraq.
The Democratic National Committee released its lineup of the politicians speaking at the convention, and Hillary Clinton was not on the list. Bill told her she shouldn’t feel bad. None of his other women are speaking either.
Burger King has hired the former president of Continental Airlines to be its new CEO. Here's my question, how bad is your food when you have to bring somebody in from the airlines to make it taste better?
Letterman
The Democratic National Convention is being held up in Boston and they have announced the speaking lineup. They are not going to allow Hillary Clinton to speak before the convention. When Bill Clinton heard this he asked, "How do you do that?”
How many folks saw the All Star Game last night? Baseball’s mid-season classic. Roger Clemens had a rough first inning. I haven’t seen a beating that bad of a guy since the Liza Minelli marriage.
The All Star Game was of course on Fox. We didn’t have it. Instead we had reruns of the Tony’s on CBS.
Tony Danza now has his own talk show now. Yeah – it’s my fault, I lowered the standard, blame it on me.
Conan
Today in the senate an amendment banning gay marriage was put down. Afterwards Republicans said that we’re not giving up - if we can’t ram it down their throats we’ll get through the backdoor.
