Saturday, June 19, 2004
Leno
John Kerry has been interviewing possible vice presidential candidates. It’s not an easy process. For each question john asks the candidate the candidate is expected to have two answers.
Researchers in Germany have found a border collie named Rico that can understand more than 200 words. They also discovered a cat that can ignore over 1000 words.
Bill Clinton’s autobiography comes out next week. Odd title though…it’s called "Moby Dick”.
President Clinton talks about his infidelity on "60 Minutes” this Sunday. "60 minutes” is that enough time? He should be on "48 Hours”. That’s what you need.
Clinton discussed his affair with Monica Lewinsky. He said "I did something for the worst possible reason, just because I could”. What was he going to say? I had no choice….she outweighed me. She pinned me down!”
The 9/11 commission said that they have found no ties between al Qaeda and Iraq. To which President Bush said, "What about the fact that they’re both in the middle East?”
We had a big 5.2 scare here in California yesterday – turns out that wasn’t an earthquake in Southern California yesterday, just thousands of Laker fans simultaneously jumping off the bandwagon.
This just announced today - Jennifer Lopez is doing a new movie with the Lakers. "Four Weddings and a Funeral.”
There is one silver lining in last night’s game - no one can accuse any of the Lakers of being on performance enhancing drugs.
It’s most likely that Kobe Bryant will leave L.A. and become a free agent. Well, he’ll be an agent…the "free” part is still up to a jury.
According to a new medical study, hair loss is now classified as a disease. You know what that means? Terry Bradshaw can now park in the handicap space.
Today the second annual air guitar championships were held here in Los Angeles. There were over 100 contestants. And the winner received an imaginary check for $1 million.
Letterman
Do you like scientific studies? Scientists have discovered that rats are monogamous. A rat will find one rat and stay with it. It’s the same as Hillary.
It was so hot that my cab driver said, "If I used deodorant today would be the day.”
They said there’s no link between Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. Sure they just met at a few industry functions – but no connection.
John Kerry has been interviewing possible vice presidential candidates. It’s not an easy process. For each question john asks the candidate the candidate is expected to have two answers.
Researchers in Germany have found a border collie named Rico that can understand more than 200 words. They also discovered a cat that can ignore over 1000 words.
Bill Clinton’s autobiography comes out next week. Odd title though…it’s called "Moby Dick”.
President Clinton talks about his infidelity on "60 Minutes” this Sunday. "60 minutes” is that enough time? He should be on "48 Hours”. That’s what you need.
Clinton discussed his affair with Monica Lewinsky. He said "I did something for the worst possible reason, just because I could”. What was he going to say? I had no choice….she outweighed me. She pinned me down!”
The 9/11 commission said that they have found no ties between al Qaeda and Iraq. To which President Bush said, "What about the fact that they’re both in the middle East?”
We had a big 5.2 scare here in California yesterday – turns out that wasn’t an earthquake in Southern California yesterday, just thousands of Laker fans simultaneously jumping off the bandwagon.
This just announced today - Jennifer Lopez is doing a new movie with the Lakers. "Four Weddings and a Funeral.”
There is one silver lining in last night’s game - no one can accuse any of the Lakers of being on performance enhancing drugs.
It’s most likely that Kobe Bryant will leave L.A. and become a free agent. Well, he’ll be an agent…the "free” part is still up to a jury.
According to a new medical study, hair loss is now classified as a disease. You know what that means? Terry Bradshaw can now park in the handicap space.
Today the second annual air guitar championships were held here in Los Angeles. There were over 100 contestants. And the winner received an imaginary check for $1 million.
Letterman
Do you like scientific studies? Scientists have discovered that rats are monogamous. A rat will find one rat and stay with it. It’s the same as Hillary.
It was so hot that my cab driver said, "If I used deodorant today would be the day.”
They said there’s no link between Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. Sure they just met at a few industry functions – but no connection.
