Thursday, June 24, 2004
Leno
John Edwards is the number one pick to be John Kerry’s vice president. Can you imagine the debate between Dick Cheney and a trial lawyer like Edwards — one guy has spent his career in an ambulance, the other guys has spend his career chasing it.
You sound as happy as Bill Clinton's book publisher.
Bill Clinton’s book is already number one on the "New York Times” bestseller list. The book is called, "My Life...As A Dog."
Clinton reveals one night when he was five or six years old back in Arkansas. His step dad fired a gun in the house but it didn’t hit him or his mother. So it looks like this bad aim thing runs in the family.
The most quoted thing in the book is where Clinton talks about after the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, he slept on the couch for two months. That’s how you know Hillary was mad…they had separate bedrooms and she still made him sleep on the couch!
Today Monica Lewinsky was not sympathetic. She said if Bill thought the couch was uncomfortable, he should try getting under that little desk.
In a card filled out by Hussein for the Red Cross, under occupation Hussein wrote, "President of the Republic of Iraq”. And you thought Al Gore had a hard time dealing with the reality he lost to Bush.
A Texas jury just found the man who streaked the Super Bowl halftime show guilty. In a sign of the times you know why he said he streaked? "Because he could.”
Letterman
A sure sign that it’s hot…I was walking down the street and went by St. Patrick’s Cathedral and I saw a nun rubbing a cold beer across her forehead.
Do any of you go to movies? It’s great entertainment but it costs so darn much these days. $12 a ticket. That’s the great part about this show. You get disappointed for free.
I was thinking about this. Why does it cost so much to go to a movie today? It costs the theaters more now to make their floors sticky.
How many folks plan on buying a copy of the Bill Clinton book? He was here in New York for a book signing. You wait in line. Mom and I went. We finally got up there to get the book signed and mom says, "How are Rosalyn and Amy?”
Bill Clinton is really busy right now. He’s so busy signing books that he had to cancel his 3 o’clock intern.
I went to the book signing and I was surprised the book was already 30 percent off – just like his pants.
Conan
Today J. Lo and husband Marc Anthony announced today that they are not expecting a baby. However, they went on to say that they are expecting a divorce.
Kilborn
The latest reviews for the new Michael Moore film are in. It got thumbs up from Ebert and Saddam.
John Edwards is the number one pick to be John Kerry’s vice president. Can you imagine the debate between Dick Cheney and a trial lawyer like Edwards — one guy has spent his career in an ambulance, the other guys has spend his career chasing it.
You sound as happy as Bill Clinton's book publisher.
Bill Clinton’s book is already number one on the "New York Times” bestseller list. The book is called, "My Life...As A Dog."
Clinton reveals one night when he was five or six years old back in Arkansas. His step dad fired a gun in the house but it didn’t hit him or his mother. So it looks like this bad aim thing runs in the family.
The most quoted thing in the book is where Clinton talks about after the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, he slept on the couch for two months. That’s how you know Hillary was mad…they had separate bedrooms and she still made him sleep on the couch!
Today Monica Lewinsky was not sympathetic. She said if Bill thought the couch was uncomfortable, he should try getting under that little desk.
In a card filled out by Hussein for the Red Cross, under occupation Hussein wrote, "President of the Republic of Iraq”. And you thought Al Gore had a hard time dealing with the reality he lost to Bush.
A Texas jury just found the man who streaked the Super Bowl halftime show guilty. In a sign of the times you know why he said he streaked? "Because he could.”
Letterman
A sure sign that it’s hot…I was walking down the street and went by St. Patrick’s Cathedral and I saw a nun rubbing a cold beer across her forehead.
Do any of you go to movies? It’s great entertainment but it costs so darn much these days. $12 a ticket. That’s the great part about this show. You get disappointed for free.
I was thinking about this. Why does it cost so much to go to a movie today? It costs the theaters more now to make their floors sticky.
How many folks plan on buying a copy of the Bill Clinton book? He was here in New York for a book signing. You wait in line. Mom and I went. We finally got up there to get the book signed and mom says, "How are Rosalyn and Amy?”
Bill Clinton is really busy right now. He’s so busy signing books that he had to cancel his 3 o’clock intern.
I went to the book signing and I was surprised the book was already 30 percent off – just like his pants.
Conan
Today J. Lo and husband Marc Anthony announced today that they are not expecting a baby. However, they went on to say that they are expecting a divorce.
Kilborn
The latest reviews for the new Michael Moore film are in. It got thumbs up from Ebert and Saddam.
