Saturday, June 12, 2004
Leno
I’ve been watching the news all day and these ceremonies and services for President Reagan are really quite touching and dignified, don’t you think?
See I wonder if it will be that way for future presidents? Like years from now can you imagine President Clinton’s funeral. Hundreds of women throwing themselves on top of the casket. (crying) big heavy women throwing themselves on it.
On this day in 1692 in Salem, Massachusetts, the first so-called witch was hanged. She was convicted under the original patriot act.
Pier One announced they are recalling 48,000 beaded fish tea light candleholders. The reason for the recall. The product just isn’t gay enough.
NBA Hall of Famer Larry Byrd said in a news interview on ESPN this week that the NBA needs more white superstars. More white superstars. More white superstars? How ‘bout a white superstar?
Four of America’s top sprinters are facing a possible Olympics ban for allegedly using performance-enhancing substances. One of our sprinters first drew suspicion last month when he won the Kentucky Derby.
Nevada’s famous Chicken Ranch brothel is now for sale. So if you really want to surprise dad on Father’s Day…
Did you hear about this? Britney Spears injured her knee during a video shoot yesterday. I’ll tell ya, that lip synching is more dangerous than it looks….
A TV producer is now developing a rap version of "American Idol”, isn’t that called "Cops”?
The rumor is J. Lo may be pregnant. They think it may be a girl. And the girl may already be engaged.
Letterman
Be honest tonight. How many of you are here tonight because you heard I was lying in state?
We had some hot weather and now it’s lovely. When it’s nice like this everyone is outdoors. It was so nice today that Donald Trump was out looking for a nice unspoiled spot in the city that could be ruined.
Today is day five of the J. Lo marriage. She got married to Latin music heartthrob Marc Anthony. In fact the honeymoon is going so well that J. Lo places it in her top five.
I’ve been watching the news all day and these ceremonies and services for President Reagan are really quite touching and dignified, don’t you think?
See I wonder if it will be that way for future presidents? Like years from now can you imagine President Clinton’s funeral. Hundreds of women throwing themselves on top of the casket. (crying) big heavy women throwing themselves on it.
On this day in 1692 in Salem, Massachusetts, the first so-called witch was hanged. She was convicted under the original patriot act.
Pier One announced they are recalling 48,000 beaded fish tea light candleholders. The reason for the recall. The product just isn’t gay enough.
NBA Hall of Famer Larry Byrd said in a news interview on ESPN this week that the NBA needs more white superstars. More white superstars. More white superstars? How ‘bout a white superstar?
Four of America’s top sprinters are facing a possible Olympics ban for allegedly using performance-enhancing substances. One of our sprinters first drew suspicion last month when he won the Kentucky Derby.
Nevada’s famous Chicken Ranch brothel is now for sale. So if you really want to surprise dad on Father’s Day…
Did you hear about this? Britney Spears injured her knee during a video shoot yesterday. I’ll tell ya, that lip synching is more dangerous than it looks….
A TV producer is now developing a rap version of "American Idol”, isn’t that called "Cops”?
The rumor is J. Lo may be pregnant. They think it may be a girl. And the girl may already be engaged.
Letterman
Be honest tonight. How many of you are here tonight because you heard I was lying in state?
We had some hot weather and now it’s lovely. When it’s nice like this everyone is outdoors. It was so nice today that Donald Trump was out looking for a nice unspoiled spot in the city that could be ruined.
Today is day five of the J. Lo marriage. She got married to Latin music heartthrob Marc Anthony. In fact the honeymoon is going so well that J. Lo places it in her top five.
