Sunday, May 30, 2004
Leno
I saw Old Yeller on TV yesterday – Al Gore.
A fiery Al Gore called for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and CIA Director George Tenet. Bush was furious. He said to Gore today, "Hey, who elected you president?!”
John Kerry has a new 757 jet to use while he campaigns for president ... did you see it on the news? This is a really cool plane. In the event that Kerry starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.
Kerry told reporters it’s not his plane, "It belongs to my wife."
On "American Idol,” Fantasia Barrino beat out Diana Degarmo. "American Idol” – sounds more like "The Sopranos,” doesn’t it?
"American Idol” received a record 65 million votes. 65 million votes! And today Bush and Kerry both started singing lessons.
A lot of people voted twice. Today John Kerry said he actually voted for Diana before he voted for Fantasia.
Security officials in Iraq say that a number of suicide bombers there are detonating prematurely. The bombs are going off before they even reach their target. And the problem is ...?
Gas prices are supposed to be the highest of the year this weekend, almost three dollars a gallon in Beverley Hills. In fact, gas was so high, today on the freeway I saw someone carpooling with Omarosa.
MTV has announced plans to launch the first gay cable TV channel. The first? What do you call Bravo and Lifetime? It’s the third at best!
According to a new study, men who drive Porsches are the most likely to have extramarital affairs. Do you know who has the least affairs? Guys who ride the bus. There’s nothing happening there.
I saw Old Yeller on TV yesterday – Al Gore.
A fiery Al Gore called for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice and CIA Director George Tenet. Bush was furious. He said to Gore today, "Hey, who elected you president?!”
John Kerry has a new 757 jet to use while he campaigns for president ... did you see it on the news? This is a really cool plane. In the event that Kerry starts speaking, oxygen masks fall from the ceiling to keep people awake.
Kerry told reporters it’s not his plane, "It belongs to my wife."
On "American Idol,” Fantasia Barrino beat out Diana Degarmo. "American Idol” – sounds more like "The Sopranos,” doesn’t it?
"American Idol” received a record 65 million votes. 65 million votes! And today Bush and Kerry both started singing lessons.
A lot of people voted twice. Today John Kerry said he actually voted for Diana before he voted for Fantasia.
Security officials in Iraq say that a number of suicide bombers there are detonating prematurely. The bombs are going off before they even reach their target. And the problem is ...?
Gas prices are supposed to be the highest of the year this weekend, almost three dollars a gallon in Beverley Hills. In fact, gas was so high, today on the freeway I saw someone carpooling with Omarosa.
MTV has announced plans to launch the first gay cable TV channel. The first? What do you call Bravo and Lifetime? It’s the third at best!
According to a new study, men who drive Porsches are the most likely to have extramarital affairs. Do you know who has the least affairs? Guys who ride the bus. There’s nothing happening there.
