Monday, April 19, 2004
Leno
"Did you all watch "The Apprentice” last night? Congratulations to Bill Rancic. Though Kwame took it pretty well. In fact to chill out after being fired he took in a movie, "Kill Bill.”
"Did you see Sam give Donald that briefcase full of cash? $250,000. Turns out it wasn’t for a job. It was for a hit they put out on Omarosa!"
"The brother of late mob boss john Gotti has been sentenced to 9 ½ years in prison for money laundering, conspiracy and racketeering charges. See, it just proves that every family has a black sheep."
"Budweiser announced same day freshness. Budweiser for a premium price. If you want to save money, they have a discount brew – not so fresh feeling Budweiser."
"The Passion of The Christ” is now one of the top ten films of all time. And that Mel Gibson, let me tell you something – he is very clever. Did you notice at the end when you thought Jesus was dead, he got up and walked off….leaving things open for a sequel.
Letterman
"I get in my cab this morning and I see a Shiite bobblehead on the dashboard."
"Did you know this is the 100th anniversary of the New York subway system? In honor of the celebration all this weekend the subway is running some vintage cars. Hey if I want to ride in a 50 year old relic I’ll hale a cab."
Conan
"Did you all see the final episode of "The Apprentice”? Congratulations to Bill Rancic. Donald Trump surprised Bill by giving him a convertible. And as a treat to the audience Bill ran over Omarosa."
"McDonald’s has announced that they are coming out with an adult Happy Meal. It comes with a salad, a bottle of water and McPorn."
"Did you all watch "The Apprentice” last night? Congratulations to Bill Rancic. Though Kwame took it pretty well. In fact to chill out after being fired he took in a movie, "Kill Bill.”
"Did you see Sam give Donald that briefcase full of cash? $250,000. Turns out it wasn’t for a job. It was for a hit they put out on Omarosa!"
"The brother of late mob boss john Gotti has been sentenced to 9 ½ years in prison for money laundering, conspiracy and racketeering charges. See, it just proves that every family has a black sheep."
"Budweiser announced same day freshness. Budweiser for a premium price. If you want to save money, they have a discount brew – not so fresh feeling Budweiser."
"The Passion of The Christ” is now one of the top ten films of all time. And that Mel Gibson, let me tell you something – he is very clever. Did you notice at the end when you thought Jesus was dead, he got up and walked off….leaving things open for a sequel.
Letterman
"I get in my cab this morning and I see a Shiite bobblehead on the dashboard."
"Did you know this is the 100th anniversary of the New York subway system? In honor of the celebration all this weekend the subway is running some vintage cars. Hey if I want to ride in a 50 year old relic I’ll hale a cab."
Conan
"Did you all see the final episode of "The Apprentice”? Congratulations to Bill Rancic. Donald Trump surprised Bill by giving him a convertible. And as a treat to the audience Bill ran over Omarosa."
"McDonald’s has announced that they are coming out with an adult Happy Meal. It comes with a salad, a bottle of water and McPorn."
