Leno

The big vice presidential debate between Dick Cheney and John Edwards. It’s the heartthrob vs. the throbbing heart.

Some good news from watching the debates - the terror alert on John Kerry’s face has been lowered from orange back down to pasty white. He’s pasty white again.

Here’s some good news – he’s in good shape – Prime Minister Tony Blair is recovering from a minor operation to correct a heart flutter. Doctors said his heart started when he watched President Bush trying to explain what’s going on in Iraq.

I saw it on the cover of "Newsweek” today, and ABC, CNN, they all said that John Kerry won the debate the other night. I just hope this doesn’t give him a swelled head.

Pundits also said that Bush seemed unprepared and looked tired. They said what Bush needs to do is two things – study videos of John Kerry speaking and get some sleep. And the nice thing is he can do both of those at the same time.

Hey, you been following this Mount St. Helens thing? Is that scary or what? If pressure builds up in the volcano too fast, it can cause an earthquake, followed by an explosion with brushfires, smoke and ashes everywhere combined with a massive traffic jam from people trying to flee. So it’d be like a year in L.A. all in one day.

Scientists say that if the eruption lasts more than four hours, call your doctors.

There’s a new audio tape allegedly made by Osama bin Laden’s deputy calling for more attacks. Also on the tape, two new songs by Cat Stevens.

Letterman

Did you have a nice weekend? Did you watch the debate last week? Wasn’t it unbelievable? John Kerry is so confident now he is back to wind surfing.

I watched the debate with mom. Every time she heard someone say "mixed message” she took a shot of vodka.